Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I want to have your abortion
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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