It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
