I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You are the jesus of drinking
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He did a backflip because drugs
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
