Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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