You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
