The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He did a backflip because drugs
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
