They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Randomize