your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
false alarm, still single
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
