The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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