i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
