Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
