if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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