The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize