all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
