Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
