38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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