3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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