I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
