the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
