i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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