you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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