Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just saw a hot homeless man
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize