i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
