Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize