remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
