STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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