ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
ok first of all what the fuck
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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