I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
