I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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