no one should ever give us hovercrafts
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
