Screwed.edu
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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