We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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