did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
not ubering you a puppy
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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