a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
