I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
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