no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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