nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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