if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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