True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
