Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm both gender and math confused
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
