I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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