My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
