I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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