well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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