I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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