I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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