Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
