Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
