So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize