Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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