Hey man sorry I got all grabby
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
MIDGETS
????
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
