You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
