you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
