the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
