$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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