am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
