Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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