I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
