Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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