i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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