I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
