U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
