ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
