what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
