Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
