i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
