Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
