All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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