just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
