He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
