Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
