well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
