I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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