break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
